Experiment Step #1A: Understanding the Variables

So as any good scientist knows (even scientists that are really accountants), before you can start any experiement, you have to understand the variables involved in the experiment. So the goal of this post is to understand one of the largest variables: men in general. Now I know what you're thinking - "if you really understood men, why on earth are we doing this experiment?" I'm not saying that I understand men in anyway, however, I think that it's important that I write down my observations before getting started to either confirm whether or not they are indeed fact.

So here's what I think - men in their early and late twenties come in a variety of species, including:

Malus Douchebagus - This species goes around, preying on innocent women, telling them what they want to hear in order to get what they want, and then after getting it, disappearing at the drop of a hat. How well his Camaro is running is more important to him than the feelings of the women that he encounters.

Malus Wantuswhathecanthavus - This species chases women that he believes are unattanable, and once he does manage to catch her, the game is over and he loses interest. Well until she loses interest again.

Malus Committmentphobus - This species is a bit more evolved than the two previous species. They care more about the women that they meet, however, they fear that they will become extinct if they commit to staying with any woman for a long period of time.

Malus Idealupus - This is the highest evolved species of men. This species isn't perfect - however, he loves and cares for his mate, and is thankful to be with that person. It is a spectacular species, however, some scientists (ok, maybe just me) are concerned that this species may go extinct.

There are a few cavaets that go along with this species summary. First of all, there are men that fall into more than one of these categories and in between them as well. Second of all, I am not judging any of these species (ok, maybe I am a little....). Third of all, it is possible for men to change species.

So the question remains: with respect to catching the eye of each of these species, should a girl use the same approach or a different approach? Are there species that only respond to the high maintenance girl approach, or vice-versa? It seems that we are starting to form some interesting hypotheses here....stay tuned for the next variable analysis.