At a Standstill

So I know that it's been several weeks since my last post, and apologize for that dear reader. Not to make excuses, but I did use our time apart constructively (sort of). This is what I've been up to:

1. Actually trying to play the game, which can be time consuming between actually going on the dates and figuring out my next move


2. Improving my dating karma through the practice of feng shui. And by practicing feng shui, I mean putting an empty Victoria's Secret bag in the southwest corner of my bedroom (apparently the "love" corner according to feng shui principals) and then upping the anty by buying lingerie and putting it in the bag. Clearly, I've paid my respects to the feng shui gods in a big way, so something good should happen any day now, right?

So I bet you think that between the time of my last post, and now, I've gained all sorts of amazing and witty insights on dating and love. But here's the thing: I've got nothing. I mean I'm not saying that I haven't thought about this at all. On the contrary, I've spent hours overthinking (shocking, I know) this, wondering whether the problem is me, or that it really is just I haven't met the "right" guy. I've also thought about whether if the "right" guy really exists, or if he's this mirage that I keep chasing, and wondering if by chasing this mirage, that I've sabotaged any chance of ever making it that ever elusive date #4.*

*As many of you already know, I try to follow the three-date rule as mandated by "The book in the bathroom" before deciding whether or not a guy is for me. To date, I've never made it to Date #4, and plan to have a party to celebrate making it to Date #4 if I ever get there. Obviously, I don't plan on inviting the guy that I would be going on Date #4 with because it might cause him to cancel Date #4, which would then require the cancellation of said party.

And after all of that, the only conclusion that I've come up with is that I need to just stop overthinking and just let things happen. While I know that this is the only solution for now, I'm not sure how well I will be able to execute. Still trying to figure that one out.

That's all I have for now. I will have more for you in the next post. I promise. I just need to spend a little more time untangling the webs that I've built in my head so that I can figure out my strategy for winning the game (i.e. either getting to second base, or date #4, whichever comes first).

New Year, New Beginnings?

Last night, I rang in the New Year in the company of some fabulous people. It was a night of good food, good music, and of course good friends. I may not have had a man to kiss at midnight, however, I did have two hot ladies that helped ring in 2010 with me.

I should have been thrilled to welcome the new year with many of my close friends by my side. Actually, I was thrilled. But while ringing in the new year, I had one of those slow motion, deja vu moments in which I realized that the status of my personal life had been significantly the same over the last five years. I had flashbacks to the many bad dates that I've gone on over the last couple of years. And honestly, I couldn't help but feel completely and totally frusterated.

The next morning, I called my mom to wish her a happy new year, and she made a comment that furthered this frusteration. "You know, the only reason that you're single is because you want to be". It took all of the self-control that I had not to scream (well, plus, I figured that screaming could only make my hangover worse). I mean, I feel like I really have been trying. I could perhaps try harder, but it didn't seem fair that she put 100% of the blame on me - I mean the universe could lend a bit of a helping hand, don't you think?

However, I've since sobered up (and successfully recovered from my hangover), and realized another thing - 2010 really could have the potential for some new beginnings. Certain things really have changed over the last few years. For the first time in a decade, I don't feel like the fate of the rest of my life lies in the hands of one certain person. There are endless possibilities out there. I would be lying if I said that all my bitterness and frusteration has faded away. But I am hoping that the new decade will bring new possibilities and that I will allow myself to embrace them.

Confessions of the Nice Girl

In any good relationship, honesty is important. Therefore dear readers, it is time for me, the nice girl, to make a few confessions.

1. When I'm bored at home, I have impromptu dance parties by myself. You laugh, but I think that I may have potential to be on So You Think that You Can Dance.


2. I heart the O.C. I never watched while it was popular, but caught the re-runs on the SOAP channel, and am now totally hooked. And yes, I said the SOAP channel.

Okay, whew, now that I have all of that off of my chest I feel so much better.

Fine, those weren't my real confessions. I mean, yeah, they're some of my weird quirks, but I never really felt like I was keeping them from anyone.

My real confessions have to do with my experiment. I've spent a lot of time focusing in on the men, the game, and the so-called "high-maintenance" girl, making it seem like the nice girl is the victim in dating world. That's not completely true - I know a lot of nice girls that are with great guys. I would like to acknowledge the fact that part of this nice girl's real issue with the game is that I have been barely playing it. I'll put it out there - I'm scared of boys. I'm not scared of them in the "eeeeeeew you have cooties" way, but more scared of letting them in for a million reasons that are not worth going into. Although, in my defense, some of the characters that I've encountered along the way have contributed to these feelings. A sampling of these characters include:

1. Boy who wore more jewelry than me - need I say more? Well I guess I could - if I ever saw him on the street I'd love to tell him that having a drink of the year doesn't make him cooler. It just makes him a bigger douchebag.
2. Russian Play Boy - well intentioned, however, going to a three hour Russian play is not a good first date
3. Clingy - Um, I couldn't even go out with you once because you smothered me to death before we could go on a first date.

However, I have met a lot of nice guys too, and somehow, I've always found some sort of flaw, even if it was merely that there was no spark. My hope is that this experiment will help bring some fun back into the game, enough so that I can let myself play again. Maybe we should put some money on this? I know that this is going to come as a complete surprise to all of you, but I tend to try harder when something turns into a competition...

Ok, I really do feel better now. Good talk, dear reader - I feel closer to you already. Should we hug it out?

The "Game"

Any way that you slide and dice it, at the end of the day, it seems that all species of men are a huge fan of the game. Take Tiger Woods, for example - the man's wife is SMOKIN' hot, yet he still felt the need to sleep with every woman that even glanced in his general direction. I was talking to one of my guy friends about the situation, and he said that the whole fiasco boiled down to one thing: Tiger's love of the game. And I'm not talking about golf here.

Thus, I thinkthat it's imporant to take some time to explore the next variable: the proverbial "game". Now, once again, I'm not claiming to be an expert, because if I were, I don't think that my dating history would be so dismal. All I can really do is write down my observations, and wait to test them out during the big experiment.

So the question really is, what is the game? And how many innings do you have to go before you can actually win this game? (While the real goal of this post is to explore the game, I've made it my secondary goal to use as many sports analogies as possible).

Based on my limited experience with the game (I consider myself more of a spectator rather than an athlete), it seems that the high-maintenance girl brings a highly effective mixed bag that helps her get what she wants, including confidence and the right amount of drama (i.e. you rocked my world yesterday, not so much today, oh wait, it's tomorrow and I want you back). I believe that wanting what we can't have has a powerful hold over many of us, and I think that the high-maintenance girl does a good job of playing off this emotion to help her score the winning touchdown. So the question remains, is there a way for nice girls to get into the end zone without playing into the drama, or does she need to tweak her offense to get there?

Experiment Step #1A: Understanding the Variables

So as any good scientist knows (even scientists that are really accountants), before you can start any experiement, you have to understand the variables involved in the experiment. So the goal of this post is to understand one of the largest variables: men in general. Now I know what you're thinking - "if you really understood men, why on earth are we doing this experiment?" I'm not saying that I understand men in anyway, however, I think that it's important that I write down my observations before getting started to either confirm whether or not they are indeed fact.

So here's what I think - men in their early and late twenties come in a variety of species, including:

Malus Douchebagus - This species goes around, preying on innocent women, telling them what they want to hear in order to get what they want, and then after getting it, disappearing at the drop of a hat. How well his Camaro is running is more important to him than the feelings of the women that he encounters.

Malus Wantuswhathecanthavus - This species chases women that he believes are unattanable, and once he does manage to catch her, the game is over and he loses interest. Well until she loses interest again.

Malus Committmentphobus - This species is a bit more evolved than the two previous species. They care more about the women that they meet, however, they fear that they will become extinct if they commit to staying with any woman for a long period of time.

Malus Idealupus - This is the highest evolved species of men. This species isn't perfect - however, he loves and cares for his mate, and is thankful to be with that person. It is a spectacular species, however, some scientists (ok, maybe just me) are concerned that this species may go extinct.

There are a few cavaets that go along with this species summary. First of all, there are men that fall into more than one of these categories and in between them as well. Second of all, I am not judging any of these species (ok, maybe I am a little....). Third of all, it is possible for men to change species.

So the question remains: with respect to catching the eye of each of these species, should a girl use the same approach or a different approach? Are there species that only respond to the high maintenance girl approach, or vice-versa? It seems that we are starting to form some interesting hypotheses here....stay tuned for the next variable analysis.

Do Nice Girls Really Finish Last? Bummer!

Ok, so I'm a nice girl. I'm not saying this because I have a big head. I think that I'm truly nice - I mean, the thought of doing something mean actually physically makes me cringe. I also view myself as a fairly low-maintenance type of girl (ok, I understand that by definition women are not low-maitenance, but let's just say that I'm low maintenance for a girl). I've been single for 4.5 years now, and over this time, I've been less than successful when it comes to men. Fine, in all honestly, my track record is bleak - comparable to the Bears record this season.

I once asked one of my guy friends why he thought that I was single. I mean not to toot my own horn, but I have a successful career, a sense of humor, and based on what I see in the mirror, I'm not too bad to look at. So based on all of this, you wouldn't think that this should be that hard, would you?

And do you know what he said? He told me that I was single because I was too low-maintenance!

So here's my question: Is the only way that I'm ever going to catch the man that I find intriguing is to start taking 3 hours to get ready and start throwing tantrums at the drop of a hat? Should I start playing hard to get, make out with other boys in front of him, and become a tease? Are my nice girl moves good for absolutely nothing? Or is it that I'm not using my powers of good in the right way? This may be the beginning of an interesting experiment....

When Prince Charming Gets Here, I'm Going to Tell Him "You're Late!"

When we were in college K, S, and I were sitting in a cramped dorm room discussing relationships. S wanted to know when she would find the right guy for her, and we assured her that her Prince Charming was on his way. She said "When he gets here, I'm going to tell him - you're late!"

7 years after providing such reassurance, I am the one that is still waiting to yell at Prince Charming for taking his sweet time. And while my dear friends promise that this is not the case, I may never get this chance. But whatever my destiny is, this blog chronicals my search for my elusive Prince and shares the stories of the not-so-princely characters that I've encountered so far.